Susy Parker reflects her daughters diagnosis and what it means for mothers with ADHD Children.
I remember the old me like it was yesterday, but it still pains me to go back there. To see, to feel, to hear, to remember – how I parented my child and how I felt about myself.
Three years ago my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and oppositional defiance disorder shortly after her seventh birthday. Over the course of the next few months, she was medicated with a stimulant, an antidepressant and an antipsychotic; all before her eighth birthday.
Remembering those times, even now, tears fall from my eyes, and I still feel the aching pain in my heart – it’s still so raw. I pretended to the world that I was living the dream; three beautiful kids, a husband and a dog living in Australia. How beautiful all the pictures looked on social media, but little did they know that I was living in hell.
The guilt, the fear, the pain, the worthlessness I felt as a mother. I hated myself. How could I like myself when I was treating my daughter this way?
I let people make me believe that she was sick, that she had a disorder or a disease.
I listened to fear and it took hold of me. The worse my fear grew, the worse her behavior became.
I remember the day everything changed.
Sarah and I were driving in the car. It was raining so hard outside, that I couldn’t see the road ahead, but in my heart, I had a clarity like never before. I pulled the car up outside the house, and I turned to her crying.
“I’m sorry Sarah, I’m so sorry,” I cried.
I told my daughter about amazing people on the planet who had ADHD.
I told her that it was just a made up name by a bunch of doctors. Who used it to describe a particular type of person.
I told her how amazing she was and that one day she would do something awesome in her life.
She started to cry, and at that moment, I felt her heart connect with mine. She was only eight, but that day she cried like an old soul; a lost soul who’d just been found. Tears from fell from her eyes, yet her eyes sparkled, and as she cried, she smiled;
“Thank you, mummy, thank you so much,” she said.
From that day on we never saw another expert. For me, I decided that I didn’t need to pay someone to tell me how broken my child was, or to say me that she wasn’t good enough, or that she needed fixing.
She didn’t need fixing.
She needed loving, she needed connection, she needed a god damn hug for being so brave in such a cruel world. A world that feels it has the right to tell a beautiful, energetic child that they don’t fit in. A child that sees nature, animals, birds, bees, they hear all the sounds, they feel all the feelings.
A child that is often living in the most beautiful daydream, but are forced to stop daydreaming and learn to conform to an archaic, broken, controlled system.
My daughter has ADHD, and so do I, but that doesn’t mean that I agree with a label. It’s such a derogatory and unfair name. ADHD people are so much more than this and believe me we aren’t attention deficit; we just aren’t able to listen to bullshit.
The schooling system isn’t serving the children of today. They need more and not more in the way of tests; they need more creativity, more movement, more real life, more connection, more love and more compassion. And as for the hyperactivity, we need to embrace their energy, not ridicule it.
For me, I have come to learn that ADHD is often mistaken for an Indigo child. A different type of child that has been born to shake up the system. Shaking up the system was never going to be done by the quiet kids, so we need these children as they need to be noticed?
These Indigo children are coming through thick and fast
It’s up to us as parents to step up to the challenge! They are strong-willed, freethinkers, headstrong, intelligent, intuitive, creative, and have a strong connection to nature and animals.
ADHD mama’s I know it’s hard, so hard at times. I get it, I feel it, I go through it every day. But, you know what’s harder? Getting out of bed every day thinking that there is something wrong with my child. Believing my own bullshit that I’m a bad parent, that I’m not enough. I am enough, and so are you. But more importantly – they are enough!
My daughter has taught me everything. How to love, how to cry, how to surrender and how to be a strong woman. She’s taught me how to be a voice and how to lead with love and compassion. But most importantly she taught me how to be a fucking ‘Warrior Woman,’ and to be fearless in the pursuit of something that sets my soul on fire.
Indigo Mama’s rise up, find your warrior woman and help our indigo’s change the world.
Love & Light
Susy x
Susy writes about her life as an ADHD Mama, Follow her on Facebook HERE .