FITSPO IS A NO NO

There is often a fine line between perception and reality. Just slap on some Lorna Jane active wear and you can be transformed into a #fitnessmodel overnight, attaining the collective stares of men and women alike, as you run along a picturesque coastline with the salty sea breeze going through your hair ala Beyonce in concert style #sohotyoucanthandlethis

You can throw all that fancy schmancy advertising at me all you like… “Come at me, Instamodels!”, however, the reality for most of us (at least me) is more like this: sweating it out in my $8 Kmart tracky dacks looking awks as gawks, holding in my pelvic floor absolutely terrified that I may bring forth streams of living water due to post-baby incontinence.

I’ve been a mum for about 20 months, which means I should have bladder control underway by now, but nooo… Still having issues because childbirth broke my private parts and my dignity. Not only that, for some reason, since expelling a tiny human, I seem to have lost all coordination. Those fine motor skills ain’t so fine these days, where the notion of jogging or kicking a ball are far, far beyond reach.

I used to play competitive soccer, hockey and even dabble in a bit of snowboarding during the winter months. Now, I can barely run without looking like I’m being attacked by swooping magpies. This is why I risk my dear life (I live in a dodgy area) and run in the dark. Because it is hilarious to watch and no one should have free access to that kind of entertainment.

I guess what I’ve learnt is no matter what way you cut the mustard, everyone’s just after the same things. Results. Sure, you can take on a premium gym membership. Like the ones where you pay extra dosh just to see more nudity on music clips that play while you’re slogging it on a treadmill aspiring to look like [insert popular artist here]. Or, you can hit the pavement and risk looking like a bloody gumby. Does it matter? No, it doesn’t. As long as you’re getting results, that’s all that counts.

We all know that exercising for just 30 minutes a day increases your chances of posting it on social media by at least 100%. Therefore, be proud and bold, throw the high-end active wear and exy memberships aside. Run around your neighbourhood like a crazy mama who clearly hasn’t had enough sleep, get some fresh air and enjoy the scenery too. Unless of course, you run in the dark, in which case, mind the bins on bin night.