Having Your Period Sucks.

Is it possible while on our period we become similar to the most majestic creature on the planet? Apart from maybe a few minor discrepancies like having arms and legs and being human.

But whatever. How often have you been lying there cramped up and thought “It’s not fair Why do women have to suffer” or “Women get it all.

We birth children, we have to shave our legs and we bleed to death every month”. It’s true. I think we are unique. We are kinda like the blue whale.

• The Blue Whale eats 40 Million Krill a day. I personally could double that during my period if Krill were Maltesers and I could manage without exploding. If there was some form of delicious Krill Ice Cream I could murder a few liters while watching Deadpool on BluRay and lay in a curved couch position like a bloated Balaenoptera musculus
• The Blue Whale weighs on average 120 tons which is approx how heavy I feel when I’m parting the red sea. I am not in the ocean. I am retaining the whole ocean and blubber is my first name during shark week.
• When a blue whale exhales, the spray from its blowhole can reach nearly 30 ft into the air…..I think you know where I’m going here….

• The Blue Whale can accelerate to more than 20 miles an hour when they are agitated. Just like my period mood swings when I’m riding the crimson wave. I am a force to be reckoned with. Especially when I reverse park in the shopping mall and pedestrians walk behind my car. This is not the ocean. BLUE WHALE INCOMING!!

• Blue Whales swim deep in the ocean and can stay under for as long as 90 minutes. This is roughly how long it takes to come out from under the blankets when I’m curled up in the fetal position during shark week. I try and make excuses for why I need to stay in my cocoon but If I don’t come out for food and water. I will die.

The Blue Whale is the loudest mammal that roams the earth but at a sound frequency that we cannot hear. Seems familiar, doesn’t it.

When I’m on my period and I shriek loudly about the kids keeping the house clean nobody seems to hear me. However, while my uterus feels like its being hunted and speared for a week at least we’re not an endangered species.

If anything we are the predator’s just waiting for someone to pick an argument with us so we can explode in a menstrual fury while birthing a blood diamond.

What happens when we get a long break from having our garage painted? We still find our blue whale style after around 7 months when a tent is more comfortable than a T-shirt. Yes, my ladies.

Pregnancy & childbirth. Becoming a mother is the most wonderful thing that’s happened to me but could we not spare the post-birth Carrie at the prom scene. It’s all worth it though isn’t it…..right?

A high five and a three finger hunger games salute for when the flood cometh know you are not alone.

I too look like I’m birthing a small orca and usually require a dress shaped like a garbage truck to feel any form of comfort when I’m down with the girl flu. There is one thing I will recommend to you.

Keep up with the magnesium and take those naps when you can. You’ve earned it!

I recently submitted this article to a group which involves other bloggers writing about the different shades of struggle when it comes to our period and the stigma involved Feel free to check it out and If you have written similar you can also link it up.